Friendships can be hard, how can we be better friends?

I don’t know about you but I’ve come along way in my friendships- the up’s and downs the in’s and outs can be just as hard as being in a romantic relationship. However with a few years under my belt I’m coming to learn what I need, and expect from my friendships, while also learning who I am and what I bring to the friendship table.

For me the days of one-sided, shady, frenemy, and unreliable behaviors are done and relationships that are rooted in mutual respectful, authenticity, inspiration, and loyalty are what light me up.

I’ve had many different friendships in my lifetime-most have been good, but there have been a handful that didn’t feel balanced, real, or just good to be in.

Once upon a time I had friend who only called me when they needed to vent or wanted advice, but anything about my life was either talked over, cut short, or somehow circled back to them.

I had a friend who left me at club when we were out partying in Miami. I’m big on if we come together we leave together. After calling and looking all over for her I got back to our hotel room only to find her in the bed! WTF!

I had another friend who never invited me anywhere! I was new to LA and they were literally the only person I knew. I would see them on social media out and about seemingly having a great time and I would feel like damn no invite?!

Then I had a friend who told me I was self-righteous. They said that when we were together, they felt judged by me. I had no idea they felt this way and was shocked!

Going through these experiences forced me to evaluate myself and the friendships. I couldn’t understand why these things were happening. If it’s one thing that I’ve learned through therapy is that most of what people do, say, or think about us has more to do with them than it does us and because of that I’ve learned to not take things so personally.

The quote that comes to mind in relationship’s particularly friendships is “People come into your life for a time, a reason, or a season”- I have found this to be true.

All of our relationships are always teaching us something about ourselves, the people around us and ultimately how we want to show up in life.

The friend who never invited me anywhere taught me to reach out and invite people, and when I’m invited to show up if I can.
The friend that left me at the club taught me to set clear expectations of how I need to feel protected when going out.
The friend who always called me to vent taught me to not answer the phone when I see them calling! :) but also to let people speak to when having conversation.

These are all things that if never taught or if there is no level of self-awareness are bound to show up in some way or another.

Because we’re all figuring ourselves out it’s inevitable that we’ll make mistakes in our relationships but with self-awareness and growth comes the opportunity to not make the same mistakes over and over again.

In my opinion the word friend gets used way too loosely. Sometimes we have to keep it real with ourselves and ask is this a friend, or is this an acquaintance, is this a friend or my co-worker, is this my friend or a client. These are all very important questions to give you a starting point to move from instead of jumping in head first and getting hurt due to having unsaid expectations. We’re all having our own experiences in these heads of ours and oftentimes they’re not telling the full story.

friends

proof of life