proof of life

It’s been awhile since I’ve been here, there’s been a lot going on in my life and as you know this world is in a constant state of change, and uproar! That being said I just haven’t had the energy and/or words to come here and get my thoughts, feelings, and point of views out. I hate that because I love sharing here so I’m going to make every attempt to get back on the wagon.

If you follow my Substack then you’ve seen a few notes I’ve dropped but if you aren’t following me sign up for my newsletter here.

Lately I’ve been feeling the nudge to get back and creating through writing feels like the medium. The provocation I’ve felt to get something out has been intense. It would best be described as a pressure cooker wanting to implode, a match wanting to ignite, the sun seeking to shine. It’s time.

I’m doing my best to move through any fear or instant gratification and just allow myself to create for the sake of creating, but the feeling has been both depilating, and terrifying. With so much content everywhere, I often feel like who wants to hear what I have to say, but I’m realizing more and more that what I create is about me and if it resonates with you then great I get you and you get me.

I’ve expanded my social presence a bit, I’m spending more time on Tik Tok, for me it brings more creativity and authenticity and that’s what I’m craving in my life right now. It seems no matter how much I search for concepts and ideas on IG that damn algorithm won’t let me be great.

While I get the purpose of algorithms they can be stifling and although I know that Tik Tok is also driven by the algorithm it doesn’t withhold accounts that you might be interested in like IG does.

I’ve discovered sooooooo many interesting personalities, thought-provoking conversations, thoughtful & creative concepts and ideas, and news like I’ve never seen before. I laugh, I cry, I have the best time on the app and I want to be apart of that, so it feels good to show up in my own way there.

Peep my viral post below!

I think after sharing on social media for a few years now I’ve discovered what feels right for me, and it feels great to be making my own way.

With my newfound interest and disinterest I’ve felt a yearning to explore, taking in what feels good and leaving the rest. I listen to my body, and my heart and that applies to everything and everyone in and around my life.

I’ve been exploring some questions when I sense or feel off, they go something like the following:

How is this information supporting me?

How do I feel around this person or in this environment?

What am I really trying to say?

What is this experience trying to tell me?

What is motivating me in this moment?

Is this true?

How does this feel in my body- as I listen, watch, absorb?

Because everything we take in affects us on a cellular level its important to me to discover the answers so I can get the lesson and move forward.

Over the last year I’ve become more grounded in my body and because of that I’m moving through things at a more easeful past than I have in the past.

Along with this shift I have also come upon the one year anniversary of my Mom’s transitioning. My grief has pushed me to become planted, pause, listen, and honor what my body, and soul is telling me. The emotions I’ve felt over this last year have been vast & strong. It’s only been by the grace of God that I have pulled through and propelled each day. The days have gone by in a blur but certain timelines stand out like yesterday. The months of July and August will never be the same for me.

Allowing myself to be available for my new reality, is an awakening. The spaces of my pain, loss, love, life, confusion, can be overwhelming, however I am trusting that its all apart of Gods plan.

One of my deepest desires for my life is to heal through the grief of loosing my beloved Mother and to be in flow. I’ve been talking with God so much more and rebuking the spirit of fear and confusion. Trust is such a delicate dance with any belief system or being, so I know with what I’ve gone through I’m being called to a place of trust in the Lord. I’m grateful for it all and everyday I am doing my best to maintain momentum for the love of it all.