Vulnerability: Who can I run to?

There’s been a lot of talk about vulnerability and being seen over the last few years and I think it’s been great in helping people open up and sharing things that that society has placed a great amount of shame around. Vulnerability in its emotional context is defined as :The willingness to show true feelings, admit mistakes, or share fears without hiding behind a protective shield, despite the risk of being hurt or rejected. It causes others to see our fragility which in turn allows us to see each other as human. I know for myself I have been more vulernable than I ever have in the past, and it has changed my life in ways that allow me to show up without my armour on. At times my vulernability has been met with care and other times it seemed to have went over as if it was a conversation about your favorite tires. As you can imagine one of these responses caused me to feel cared for and deeply seen, while the other has made feel like I should’ve just kept my mouth closed. Either why by having the conversation I learned something about myself as well as the other person.

With all the thoughts and practices as it pertains to being seen, community, care, and ultimately healing it’s got me thinking deeper about my relationship with God and who gets to witness my vulnerability and why- so th question is “ What if this season of vulnerability is is asking for me to be vulnerable with God instead of people?”

Throughout my life I’ve had a strong personality and also I’ve had people tell me that I come off as having it all together. Well I’m here to clear that up- I am often falling apart, and while I am strong, I deflintily have my tender qualities but I stay the course lol! However with the passing of my Mom I’ve come to realize that holding the fragile parts of me all to myself is to heavy a burden to carry and it’s not something I want to continue to endure. One of the things my Mom taught me until her dying days was always pray, pray about everything. While I have done my best to maintain a prayer life if I’m being honest it doesn’t always come to me naturally accept from when I’m going through hard times, but recently I had one of those rare moments when I woke up around 5am and I felt a desire to talk to God. What started off as a typical God I thank you for this day, for keeping me and protecting turned into a hard down emotionally explosive prayer of sobbing and just letting go.

As I prayed the spirit came over me and I got this intense feeling of here I am-all of me. I heard something in my Spirit say be vulernabale, you keep looking to people to be vulnerable but you haven’t been vulernable with me. It shook me to my core. I heard God say say when you get vulernable with them they leave and yet you won’t come to me and show me those parts of you when I am the one who will always be here and will heal what needs to be healed. I just cried, and cried, and allowed all that I was holding onto to come up and out of me. I didn’t realize how deeply I needed this time with God.

Let me just caveat for a second. This is the thing that I know makes prayer special and powerful, we don’t know how or where God is going to meet us in prayer and so having a prayer life is important no matter how new and or seasoned we are in your relationships and/or beliefs. Will every prayer session be like this probably not but for those moments when they do reveal clarity it’s life changing. It reminds me that this is one of the ways in which God brings healing, and ultimately revealing the lite inside.

Now don’t get me wrong I have people in my life and maybe you do to who you can get honest with and there is so much power in getting with your friends and sharing experiences and finding solutions and gaining insights to what we may be dealing with. However as I’ve gotten older the more I’ve come to realize that there are certain situations where people are just not equipped and able to hold you through them. No shade, we’re all only human. But when we consider going to God we must consider that He’s knows the hard, dark, scary, and painful parts of us and wants to be the refuge we seek first but He’s waiting for us to get vulnerable and come with the truth of ALL that is within.

As I’ve moved forward from that night I’ve felt a shift in my Spirit- I am more present, I’m feeling a little more deeply, I’m letting go a little faster,and I am speaking honestly even when my voice shakes.

The woman I’m becoming is requiring so much more of me and for as much as I’ve endured and evolved there is still work to do. This season of work seems to be more about alignment, more about what is this teaching me, more about what do I already know. There’s so much more to unpack here and honestly if this is the awareness I’m being called to then that means that the test and work I’ve already done just might be behind me and I’m being called forth into another level of myself.

As I step into this new awareness I know more test are around the corner so I want to of course move with increased intention so in order to get my spirit, heart, and mind into better focus I’ve decided to do a 30 challenge of “Call in your Lite!” With 10 years in the game of a healing journey I know a thing or two about calling in lite to help maintain balance, stay rooted, and moving forward. The deeper the work becomes, the more intentional we have to be. So if this resonates with you join me in creating moments of lite, connection, joy, movement, prayer, beauty, rest, and possibility.

30 DAYS OF CALLING IN YOUR LITE

What if this next season isn't about becoming someone new?
What if it's about bringing more of what already lives inside you into the lite?

For the next 30 days, I'm Calling in My Lite.

Not because life is perfect.
Not because I have everything figured out.
And definitely not because I don't have hard things I'm working through.

No perfection.
No pressure.
No starting over because you missed a day.

Just return.

Because this season isn't asking me to do more.

It's asking me to live more intentionally with what I already know.

And maybe it's asking you to do the same.

Some days that might be:

Praying before I pick up my phone
Moving my body for 20 minutes
Creating instead of scrolling
Making my home feel beautiful
Saying no without guilt
Reaching out to someone I love
Taking myself somewhere inspiring
Working on the thing I've been called to create
Applying for the opportunity
Resting without feeling like I have to earn it
Allowing myself to receive
Sitting quietly with God
Speaking the truth even when my voice shakes
Choosing alignment over reaction
Doing something simply because it brings me joy

And here's the thing:

Calling in your Lite isn't about avoiding the darkness.

It's about remembering that the darkness doesn't get to have all of you.

You can grieve and still laugh.
You can be uncertain and still move.
You can be doing deep inner work and still experience beauty.
You can be vulnerable with God and still have boundaries with people.
You can release what hurts and make room for what nourishes you.

Your Lite is part of your discipline.

It's how you stay connected to yourself when life feels heavy.

It's how you maintain your focus when you're being stretched.

It's how you remember who you are while you're becoming who you're called to be.

So I'm inviting you to do this with me.

Remember

No perfection.
No pressure.
No starting over because you missed a day.

Just return.

Live Lite,

Safia